What Do Dogs And Arnold Schwarzenegger Have In Common?

Where is Arnold? While he has apparently made himself scarce in California, I think that all gym-goers across the country ought to be on the lookout for a man with an Austrian accent, dyed hair and a fading spray tan, who is probably only capable of benching 225 at the very most.

What would I say to him if I bumped into him at ... Shoreline Health and Fitness? “Uh, are you finished with the pec deck? And by the way, you have a long way to go to dig your way out of the hole you have gotten yourself into.”

I must say it’s impressive that former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger kept his love child a secret for 10 years. Ten years!

Aside from the devastation wrought on his own family, Arnold has basically ruined it for every man on the planet in the relationship department. Women are mad as hell, and so are a lot of men. Others don’t care.

The one positive to emerge from the Sperminator’s shenanigans is that the smackdown of American politicians, actors, athletes and anyone else who values achievement without character has begun.

Arnold’s behavior is the tipping point in a long line of outrageous, unforgiveable incidents of lying, cheating, and the presumption of entitlement.

John Edwards. Mel Gibson. Newt Gingrich. John Ensign. Mark Sanford.

From now on, we will smack you down. We will vote you out of office if you are a politician and we will vote with our pocketbooks if you’re an actor.

What female politician would get away with this behavior?

To understand the Governator’s behavior, look no further than the family dog. Arnie is the typical alpha male dog, in spades. See the similarities below:

• always wins at tug-of-war with other dogs (did you see the size of that gun in Terminator?)
• receives the most attention from the other dogs (California is one of our most populous states)
• may push his way to be first in and out of doorways
• may mount other dogs, male or female (has history of groping women on movie sets)
• wins all staring contests with the other dogs (managed to sabotage his own teammates through trash talk and mind games in the Mr. Olympia contest)
• may become jealous when the other dogs receive attention from you
• may steal or guard food and toys
• has first choice of the best sleeping areas

And perhaps most telling: In the wild, it is usually only the alphas that produce offspring.

Arnold lacks the one quality that make dogs such popular pets: LOYALTY.

So if I ran into Arnie at the gym, would I be polite? Of course, that’s who I am. But if I had to share weights with him, I would be sure to use plenty of Purell first.