I told the closest people to me how I needed them in my life. I needed their beautiful essences and how they helped me be my best. I didn't mean "need" like from "neediness". It can be a heavy weight to feel the fearful neediness from another. I meant from an open, living from my center, light, happy, joyful need.
To be human is to be needy. Rather than cover them up or act like I'm a self contained island, I'm trying to embrace all of my self. You know, it feels really good to let GO of my "need to need" and just utterly and completely be okay with it all. When I get into that space, I feel light, calm and happy. Then, I realize how much energy I spend on being a certain way and reacting to things outside of me. My reality is becoming I have to live my life for me and me alone and the sooner I allow others around me to do the same, the sooner I will really take off. I still say stuff to my daughters if I feel they are headed in a direction that might bring heartache. But beyond expressing my self to them in a loving manner (I can get sharp with judgmental tones in my voice...yuck), they must make the same life choices I do and live with what comes from them. I love them soooo much and want them to be blissfully happy but it feels so much better to know my boundaries. I feel freer because of them, not limited or cut off.
To me, living fully means simultaneously living from my loving center while fully being with those around me. I move away from those that mean me harm or have energies that do not agree with me. To avoid feelings of anger, jealousy or judgment to those people, I remember we all have our lessons to learn. That in our cores, we are all trying to love and be loved. Feeling judgment for others separates me from my core of love and kindness, God, Spirit, Creator, Buddha or whatever you call this inner knowing we each have.
The more I am with these lessons and feelings, the more I want to live from that place. I have so many teachers to thank for this, the benevolent ones as well as the prickly, harsh ones that create "push" within me, forcing me to choose. I said in a talk the four words that unlock so much in this life are "What do I want?" If I can answer that, I will be well on my way to being everything my Creator hopes for me.
Onward!
Peace and all good things be yours,
Bob
