I encourage them to drink at home. I would rather have them drinking at home instead of going out and having to drive home intoxicated

Sharon - you're comment is either meant to be a joke or you are tragically misguided and delusional. Do you not remember the death that occurred 2 years ago and the arrests of the parents involved due to drinking at their home?

I only allow my own kids to drink at home.

As much as your talk to your kids about sex or alcohol, they are still going to try it. If they are going to try it, what is so wrong with them doing it in a safe environment

This is an eye opening article for me! It all makes sense, though. While the parents are distracted and getting in the holiday mood with a couple drinks they are unaware of what is going on with their children. On the other side of the coin the children see the parents drinking and think, why not? Goes back to the idea that your children are watching you and if you are indulging and not paying attention they will follow suit. For a safe, happy holiday stay alert!

It's lose-lose. What Sharon is suggesting is illegal and many will find it to be wrong. However, I can 110% guarantee you that they WILL drink one way or another. Telling them "don't drink", hearing them say "OK Mom", and assuming that they aren't is kidding yourself. I'm not saying encourage them to drink. And I'm not saying making drinking at home perfectly OK anytime they want. But your time is much better spent talking to them about being responsible and safe in their decisions.

Its an age old issue which seems to be producing some grave consequences for our young adults.As a parent you need to be that, not try to be their buddy,with that said there is only one answer.It is no.They like us undoubtably may experiment but you will hopefully be the major influence in their decisions outside of your household.When they reach drinking age,like we did there will be plenty of time to drink and the time they waited to be legal will have provided some maturity in the decisionmaking area.None of the methods have any guarantee but I believe you will feel that you gave them the right information to try to get them safely to adulthood.

While we would never judge a caring parent’s decision around this issue, we thought the following information was interesting and wanted to share it with the readers. A recent study done by the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs found that parental supervision of alcohol consumption has no effect on a teenager’s ability to drink responsibly or change their drinking patterns. Also, the study showed that allowing teenagers to drink at home can actually lead them to drink more because they feel that it is an accepted behavior. Unfortunately, we know that the younger kids start drinking (regardless of where it’s done) the more likely they are to experience binge drinking or possibly alcohol dependence later on down the road. It is important to set clear rules and expectations with teenagers around underage drinking and drug use. It is also important to talk about family history with alcoholism and the impact it has on the developing teen brain. Finally, it is important to model responsible behavior which includes following laws and policies at all levels including: federal, state, town, and even family values.

Should I start buying can beer rather than kegs?

Sharon, once you give your underage child permission to drink, how do you ever take that permission back?

If you have decided the decision to let them drink was made for the wrong reasons or without accurate information being honest and telling your child you made a mistake provides a very real teaching moment, an opportunity to teach your kids they also have the power to change decisions they have made that may not be in their best interest. Our kids face tough decisions every day and it would be very sad if they felt they couldn't change their minds. For example how would you advise your child if they came to you because they wanted to change their minds and their friends challenged them saying but you said you would and so now you have to . . . have sex or try cocaine, or get me your mother's sleeping pills or pain pills for me. "You said you would"

Every thing we do as parents teaches our children and I wonder what not taking away permission to drink underage teaches them about not only our values, our attitudes towards the law but how do they interpret our decision to let them engage in what all the research says is potentially harmful behavior. Is it really a caring message?

How many people had a drink when they were underage?

Sharon
I am sorry, I have to disagree with you on this one. UNDERAGE drinking is illegal, whether you approve of it or not. You are just encouraging them at an early age that it is okay. When they end up with DUIs, or in rehab, maybe then you will think about what you did. I agree with the statement made above by M.A.D.E., "allowing teenagers to drink at home can actually lead them to drink more because they feel that it is an accepted behavior. Unfortunately, we know that the younger kids start drinking (regardless of where it’s done) the more likely they are to experience binge drinking or possibly alcohol dependence later on down the road. It is important to set clear rules and expectations with teenagers around underage drinking and drug use". Please rethink your decision, unfortunately it is probably too late to say NO now.
Just curious, but not sure you will reply, how old were the kids when you started to let them drink?

Around 12 years old. Gail, there are a lot of laws out there. Can you tell me if you abide by every law out there? Are you going to reply to this on your smartphone while you are driving?

Go Sharon! I am a 19 year old freshman in college and am do thankful that my parents let me drink in high school. The people who were never allowed to drink arethe ones passed out and puking and sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. It doesn't matter how old you are in college, EVERYONE has acess to alcohol. Also, alcohol isn't bad or good for your body. The FDA and RDA doesn't consider it a nutrient at all. It's just extra calories. Also, in Europe there isn't a drinking age in most countries and they have never had a problem with alcohol like we have here. They've all grown up drinking and don't have to hide it from their crazy parents.

Interesting Haley unfortunately your argument regarding drinking among youth in Europe is not accurate. The notion that allowing kids to drink will reduce their alcohol consumption or result in less drinking or more responsible drinking is just not so even in Europe (check out the research http://www.higheredcenter.org/services/assistance/faq/are-there-fewer-alcohol-related-problems-countries-where-youth-are-allowed-d

I want to understand are you saying that parents who follow the laws around alcohol are crazy and contribute to their kids having an unpleasant experience at college? Do you think there are other laws we parents could ignore that would better prepare our kids for their college experience?

Yes baycroft that is exactly what you're saying. Lad you understand. If you don't want you're kids having alcohol poisoning the first week of college you should probably let them experiment with drinking before you send them off. Or you could just keep them all cooped up under your supervision for their whole lives.

Thank you Haley, I appreciate your perspective although I don't share it. I am going to have to still go with being the parent and teaching family values, and to respect the law. I guess my kids are on their own for learning how to drink without puking.

Well I guarantee you that your kids will sneak around behind your back when they get into high school, which will lead to worse stuff like sex and drugs, so good luck with that. And if you really keep them so sheltered that they can't drink at all, just be ready for a call from the hospital when they finally get way to much freedom at college. Good luck.

Thanks for your good wishes but it seems we made out okay. They have both graduated college and we didn't get any phone calls from hospitals or grandchildren yet. One is the designated driver tonight by choice. But I do appreciate your insights.

Sharon - first of all I have a normal flip phone which I don't use unless it is on speaker phone when I drive and then it is only to receive calls from my family. I definitely don't drink or do drugs and I have taught my children also that it is wrong to be an underage drinker. Two are now old enough to drink and the other two are underage and have no interest in drinking. As for your child I'm sure AA will be looking for him/her soon.

As for college kids, I have a child in college and he/she doesn't understand why kids are at college for drinking, his/her goal is to get an education.

@ Gail-First off, if your kid is only in school for an education, then quite frankly your kid is a nerd. Social interaction is a major part of college life. And yes, drinking is part of college life. If you think there is no drinking in college, then you need to pop the bubble you are living in and see the world.

Secondly, if you are talking on your cell phone "only to family", you are still in violation of state law. Do you do the posted speed limit every time you drive? Do you use your turn signal at every intersection? Do you stop completely for 3 seconds at every stop sign? Do you use a cross walk every time you cross the street?

If you say no to any of those questions, I guess you only follow the laws you want to follow

Sorry to hear so many think so little of their children. My children never drank during high school. We had open discussions and they knew it was not acceptable behavior in our family. Not everyone has to try it and not everyone will. Some will be strong enough to say no. I would never offer my children alcohol at home or elsewhere. We also back it up by never overindulging. A rare glass of wine is all we have to set a good example for our kids. Please stay strong and think more of your kids than just " oh they will only do it anyway." I am sick of hearing a child or two dying every year in our town because of alcohol and drugs. Wake up people.

"Sharon Peters" must be a pseudonym for a minor.

Linda I agree thanks for putting that forward

Haley,
both my kids have been through college without drinking. Both were designated drivers. Sorry not everyone is so weak that they "have" to drink to fit in or be popular. Some understand the consequences. Good luck to you.

I think you all live in a bubble if you truly believe your kids haven't tried something illegal. I agree with Haley. The kids who pass out after binge drinking are the kids who parents live in a fantasy world

@Linda I'm right there with you. Drinking was not tolerated in my home growing up and I didn't drink in college and still don't. Doesn't impact my ability to have fun at all.

Sharon, I am not in a bubble. My kids and I have a great relationship and talk about these issues. Never had a call from school, hospital, police, friends etc. that would say otherwise.

You are unreal if you think college is only for drinking, I am paying a lot for my child to attend college and glad he/she realizes why they are at college. He/she has no interest in the drinking (as you put it) part of college. My children know the legal age of drinking and understand the consequences of driving while intoxicated. And as for your other questions, I DO DRIVE the speed limit (if anything too slow), I only cross at crosswalks and even stop for those that are in the crosswalk. I even stop at cross lights when blinking or if necessary at least slow down for those that I should. Not sure what world you live in, but I do hope my children don't ever have to associate with yours.

I think it is an unfair comment to since you don't even know my kids. All I am trying to say is that I would rather be able to watch my kids and have a safe haven for them, rather than them drinking in the woods and then driving home. I think your kids are just telling you what you want to hear

Sharon
I'm sorry but it's not what my kids say it's what they really say, they don't indulge in college drinking and my legal children don't drink and drive. They will call me for rides, and me as a parent will get up at 2am and go pick them up vs them driving or getting in a car w/someone else who shouldn't be driving. That's what parenting is all about.