How Can We Help Our Children Handle Daily Stress?

It’s been more than a month since 500 people packed Polson Auditorium to watch “The Race to Nowhere.” Since then, people have been talking about the movie and whether it was representative of a small population of children or a much bigger group.

More importantly, does this high pressure, stressful childhood exist right here in Madison?

Educators, parents and church leaders all agree, our children are pushing, pushing, pushing to try to do it all. 

 “I think sometimes we lose track of what’s important. Not every child is going to be a straight A student and that’s OK,” says MADE Co-Chairwoman Lori Lodge.  “I think for some it’s very difficult for them (our children) to accept the fact that they are not going to be good at everything ... When did we as a community and as a nation decide that everybody has to be good at everything?”

Getting bombarded from many different directions

Our children are getting bombarded from lots of different directions, school, sports, extracurricular activities.

“I think the documentary depicted very well the type of spinning wheel and rollercoaster our children are on from an early age and once they are on it is almost impossible to get off,” says Monica Piombino.  

As a parent of three children ages 21, 19, and 16 years old, as well as being involved with teenagers in the area of youth ministry for over 20 years, currently as youth minister at St. Margaret Parish, Piombino says the demands come “not only from an academic perspective but also from extracurricular activities including various clubs and sports and all the cultural and peer influences and demands.”

Demands are here to stay, need to provide children with coping skills

It is clear that these demands are here to stay and the adults need to be working on ways to assist  children with coping with the demands bombarding them on a daily basis.

“I think the film, “Race to Nowhere,” provides each of us as parents, educators and community leaders with a valuable opportunity to pause and reflect upon the responsibilities we share for the healthy development of our children,” says Madison Superintendent of Schools David Klein.

“I think we have to come together as a group to cut down the stress,” says Madison parent, Joann Guay.  A mother of three boys, ages 9, 11 and 13, she attended the showing with her husband, Joe.  

Tremendous amount of stress, need to cope with it in healthy productive manner

There is no magic solution or way to eradicate stress altogether, they all agree.

“I do think there is a tremendous amount of stress on children/student these days. As far as a solution, I am not sure there is one solution or if it is realistic to think that we can remove stress from their lives. I think we should be looking at how to help students (as well as adults) cope with stress in a healthy, productive manner,” says Daniel Hand High School Assistant Principal Dan Zittoun.

The movie gave the Guays an opportunity, as a couple, to reflect on their parenting style and how that relates to raising healthy, well-adjusted children.

Four valuable words ... "just try your best" and accept results

“We ask that they just try their best, “says Guay.  “We know that we are comfortable with that, that we don’t set these standards that they have to go to a certain level college.  We feel there is a college for everyone and that they be happy children, work hard in school and that they have their sports.”

But it is obvious that all families do not work in the same manner and our schools, churches, sports groups and community organizations see this.

Piombino says she has trouble with the children committing to religious education classes, no matter how minimal that commitment may be.  “’…there are so many school and other conflicts that they have a hard time making this very minimal commitment to take some time out of their busy lives to slow down, connect with their faith and spiritual lives for a while without having their cell phones on - for fear they might miss out on something,” she says.

Allowing kids to be true, authentic selves and feeling good about that

“They don't know what quiet time is and they don't know how to take time for meditation and prayer which they need to be emotionally and spiritually healthy and happy,” says Piombino.

“Quite frankly, it makes me tired just thinking about it,” says Klein. “As an educator, and more importantly as a parent, I firmly believe that our children are looking to us, the adults in their life, to tell them that they do not have to “do it all” and they do not have to be the very best at everything they are attempting to do.”

Lodge echos this sentiment.

“As whole we need to think about the messages we send to kids and allow them to be their true authentic self and feel good about that,” Lodge says.  “Wouldn’t it be great if we could nurture all of all kids and provide an environment for them to grow in the areas that they are strong in and not what we think they should be.”

Download the movie